This post is by Kurt W. Mortensen, author of “The Laws of Charisma” and several other books on persuasion, motivation and influence.
Confidence increases influence and attracts people to you. It breeds trust. The people we admire and look up to the most are usually those that know what they want and have the confidence to get it. Such confidence is conveyed via tone of voice, body language and other subconscious triggers, and leaders must learn to communicate with great confidence and authority.
But there is a fine line between being confident and arrogant. Complicating things further, how you think you come across and how others actually perceive you are usually two completely different things.
How can you tell the difference between confidence and cockiness? It’s mostly about your intention. Confidence is motivated by a sincere desire to help others and make a difference. True confidence comes from knowing that you have the tools, resources and ability to do the job that’s expected of you.
In contrast, cockiness is driven by a need to help yourself. Deep down, cockiness actually reveals insecurity — the very opposite of confidence. Arrogant individuals seek approval and recognition for all the wrong reasons and in all the wrong ways. Arrogance is self-centered, whereas confidence is people-centered. Arrogance is about you and confidence is about them. And if your focus is off, it simply doesn’t matter if you say and do all the right things.
Here are five simple steps to help you avoid slipping into arrogance:
- Always take feedback or criticism with an open heart.
- Spend more time listening then talking.
- Be able to admit that you were wrong.
- Ask questions to demonstrate concern.
- Have someone else explain why you are credible.
Image credit, DianaLundin, via iStock
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I could not have said it better!
I'm guessing that people are drawn to others who are genuinely interested in them. But I never thought about it being viewed as confidence.
There is a thin line between confidence and arrogance…..a bridge easily crossed.
This warrants some introspective thinking. This author raises some excellent points about insecurities. I appreciate this excellent article!
In my current position, it's about ownership. When an issue comes up that demands action, it's too often tossed about like a hot potato. Epecially when the problem isn't an exact fit for the org chart. Taking on the issue head on, and driving to resolution can go a long way to increase people's confidence in you and your team. My experience is that the team's confidence tends to grow as the confidence in the team (by internal/external customers) grow's. It's cyclical.
Very good! The flipside of this nuance is equally important. Do you come across as a humble servant-leader, or as an incompetent pushover? While it takes a team composed of varied skillsets to excel, the leader of the group needs to have expertise in at least one relevant area, be aware of their relevance, exercise confidence as noted above in that area, and recognize the expertise of other team members in regard to whatever complementary tasks they're working on. Arrogance is toxic in a work environment, but so is a leader who constantly defers to what anyone else proposes. I am growing from the perspective of humble servant-leader toward the image of a transformational leader. I'm learning to communicate vision clearly and frequently and make decisions that will move the team toward our goal with a clear rationale & conviction. And, as I build a team around me with varying skill-sets, I work with each to define roles and responsibilities within the team. So far so good, but it is definitely a learning journey.
I like Dan Sullivan's (The Strategic Coach) definition of Confidence: the ability to transform fear into focused and relaxed thinking, communication, and action — with the result that dangers become opportunities, obstacles become innovations, weaknesses become advantages, and setbacks become breakthroughs. In other words, you are focused on giving versus getting. The difference is attitude. And confidence is a skill that can be learned.
Thanks for the inspiration behind the article. one really needs to brand themselves so that the thin line between confidence and arrogance can be scrutinised.
Well written, timely, informative and "Spot On". Thank you.
Fantastic advice! I really don't have much to add. Like the other comments above, it's all about attitude. Keep up the great work!
Kirk Baumann
Campus To Career <a href="http://www.campus-to-career.com” target=”_blank”>www.campus-to-career.com
In my practice, I coach that confidence is about believing in one's competence and judgments in a variety of business situations. In times of transition and growth, confidence provides the right balance of courage and momentum necessary to achieve positive business results.
It amazes me how people think they have all the answers when there is always proof that
tells otherwise most of the time. People should keep the focus on themselves which many don't but then who cares??? We are not all on earth to be people pleasers we are here to be.
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