Live from #SHRM10: Paul Falcone, on how to handle difficult conversations
I’m reporting live from the SHRM’s annual conference out in San Diego this week, and I was lucky enough to meet with Paul Falcone, vice president of human resources for Time Warner Cable and author of “101 Tough Conversations to Have with Employees: A Manager’s Guide to Addressing Performance, Conduct, and Discipline Challenges.”
Among Paul’s great tips for better handling workplace conflicts:
- Don’t be afraid to have them — sooner rather than later. Little problems can become big problems very quickly if you don’t address them head-on.
- Ask people upfront (as soon as the interview process) how they like to hear feedback. Some people appreciate a direct approach; others want something softer. And make it safe for them to tell you the prefer the latter.
- Use guilt, not anger to motivate people to assume responsibility.
Check out our full interview with Paul, as well as other conversations with HR thoughtleaders from Smartbrief’s video series with Monster.com.
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Posted by Skip Weisman on June 29th, 2010 at 7:31 pm
Paul makes great points and I'm looking forward to reading more in his book. He obviously has a lot of experience in the field and dealing with challenging interpersonal communication situations.
His comments about organizational leaders avoiding the challenging conversation struck a particular chord with me as it was once an issue I engaged in early in my leadership career, and then I learned the hard way to get over it, 'cause the situation never gets any easier or better to address.
That issue is one of what I call 'The 7 Deadly Sins of Organizational Leadership Communication" which I wrote about in a White Paper of that title. For anyone interested it is available as a free download at:
http :www.HowToImproveOrganizationalLeadershipCommunication.com
Paul, keep up the good work, I'm looking forward to reading the book and adding it to my toolbox.
Skip
Posted by Jan Thomas on June 30th, 2010 at 3:27 am
"Use guilt, not anger to motivate people to assume responsibility. "
Any one who advocates using guilt to motivate workers to accept responsibility is still in the dark ages of management.
A leader inspires people by appealing to their pride, integrity and professionalism. A mentor instills those traits in workers who lack them.
Posted by Becky on June 30th, 2010 at 1:02 pm
Right you are Jan! I will not waste time watching a video as I was turned off as soon as i read that advise. There are far more credible leaders on how to manage people effectively.
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Posted by John on July 1st, 2010 at 4:52 am
I agree with Jan. Time to get out of the dungeon.
Posted by Marcus B on July 1st, 2010 at 5:08 am
Thanks for the white paper Skip. I'll be checking it out soon. FYI, your link has a colon before www so it doesn't hit your site.
Posted by Dan on July 1st, 2010 at 12:53 pm
i would like to check out your full interview with paul but there's no clue on this page about how to view it.
Posted by EmilyMolitor on July 1st, 2010 at 9:53 am
Hi Dan. If you would like to access the full interview, please click on the YouTube video above. I hope you find the material helpful!
Posted by Paul Falcone on July 1st, 2010 at 7:03 pm
Hi Jan,
I think this comment of mine has been taken somewhat out of context, and maybe understandably so . . . I'm not talking about "guilting" people into feeling bad and doing things because of negative motivations. Instead, I'm referring to "guilt" in the larger sense where people take matters to heart and look to themselves to assume responsibility for a problem in order to fix it. Sorry if I've confused things — My point is that until someone assumes responsibility for any particular problem in their lives or at work, then they're not apt to take it upon themselves to fix it. "Guilt," in that broader sense, drives people to internalize issues and that's where the solutions can be found — within us and not beyond us. Anyway, i hope this helps explain my intentions a bit more when I use the word. Thanks very much — Paul
Posted by Aled Davies on July 6th, 2010 at 8:18 am
People often overestimate the risk of having a difficult conversation and underestimate the consequences of putting it off. Difficult conversations generate anxiety for most people and there are almost always strong feelings surrounding a difficult conversation.
Feeling burried alive never die!
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